WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS GOING THROUGH A TOUGH TIME

THERE ARE NO WORDS (WHEN SOMEONE YOU KNOW ABOUT HAS GONE THROUGH SOMETHING VERY TOUGH)

(How to handle this situation the best way.)

B and I went to breakfast at a favorite mom-and-pop (which I will call O), one different from yesterday’s (which I will call W). And we saw our favorite server (whom I will call E) and found out their young child had no in this hospital (three to be precise) and had two ambulance rides in the last week. Thank the Lord the child is doing much better. Now, there’s the finances to face and the road to recovery.

I cannot imagine what that family has been going through.

{Journaling Prompts or Questions: Journal your thoughts. What did you think when you read that? How did it make you feel? Did it stir up any memories? Journal anything else that comes to mind.}

They are people of faith and the parent we know said how they are very grateful for their faith and how that’s helped them get through this.

{Journaling Prompts or Questions: Journal your thoughts. What did you think when you read that? How did it make you feel? Did it stir up any memories? Journal anything else that comes to mind.}

When the server, our friend, told us these things, we did our best to keep our mouths shut and listen. During times like this, words and do far more harm than good, even when we have the best of intentions. It’s best to be with them where they are and hang out with them there. This lets them know they are not alone, and what they think and feel is okay. B (my husband) and I have training (and education) in this and know this is the best way to handle situations like this.

Just be present and listen.

That’s everything.

It’s also freeing for the individual(s) going through the situation.

{Journaling Prompts or Questions: Journal your thoughts. What did you think when you read that? How did it make you feel? Did it stir up any memories? Journal anything else that comes to mind.}

We have experienced many people say after us saying nothing, “Thank you. You helped so much.” And B and I smile and tell them how they are welcome. We didn’t do anything. We were just fully present and didn’t try to fix anything.

We didn’t say, “I’m sorry you’re going through this,” either. That doesn’t really help either.

When in doubt, it’s best to be honest and say, “There are no words.” That, too, is extremely helpful for the individual and helps much.

Yes. Use that phrase. It’s the best phrase you could possibly utter in situations that are so rough.

Filling in with other words can cause harm (cause great hurt) and may make them not want to turn to you again when going through a tough time.

{Journaling Prompts or Questions: Journal your thoughts. What did you think when you read that? How did it make you feel? Did it stir up any memories? Journal anything else that comes to mind.}

“There are no words” is actually the most helpful thing you can say at a moment like this. This is especially true if you shut your mouth and say nothing else and just hang out with them, silent, and be with them in the moment. Do not rush it. Do not fill the silence. Just be there. Just be present.

This is the very best thing you can say.

Give it a try. You’ll bless someone’s socks off if you do this. I guarantee it.

{Journaling Prompts or Questions: Journal your thoughts. What did you think when you read that? How did it make you feel? Did it stir up any memories? Journal anything else that comes to mind.}


AFTER HEARING ABOUT A LOVED ONE GOING THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH: SILENCE HAS MAGICAL HEALING POWERS

After hearing something like that, it takes a while to work through it and come off the powerful emotions and thoughts. And this is for the individual hearing about the rough time, never mind the person going through it.

B and I were going to go for a drive before hearing this. Then, hearing about our friend, E, we really needed to go on a drive and process what we learned and work through the emotions.

We went to the mountains and didn’t go for too long of a drive. It was just long enough to feel as though we could breathe freely again.

Nor did we say much at all.

We did all this intentionally. We know what works. And what works?

Just like when listening to E tell us the news about their rough patch, we were silent. Having silence after hearing about a rough patch also helps the person who heard the news.

Silence has magical healing powers.

Silence is truly golden.

It’s the most valuable tool we can ever use in relationships.

Just be present.

Do not fill the silence with words. Just be there.

When you hear something awful, be silent.

When you are in pain yourself, be silent.

Do not listen to music or anything else. Do not watch anything. Do not read.

Let silence do its work. It’s very healing.

This is another reason to journal. You can get out all the noise on the page so you can just be silent afterward.

So, B and I were silent, and are still being silent now that we are home. It helps. Especially when you hear something awful. Especially when your heart hurts for another.

Be silent. Do not deny the silence. Do not fill kit with noise. Just be silent.

Let the healing properties of silence do their magic.

This is the healthiest way to handle a situation like this. When you do this, you will find that you can move on more easily and be less heavy inside. This allows you to be there for that individual in a better way because you handled things in a healthier way.

{Journaling Prompts or Questions: Journal your thoughts. What did you think when you read that? How did it make you feel? Did it stir up any memories? Journal anything else that comes to mind.}

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